JOAN’S BLOG – MONDAY, JUNE 25, 2012 – HAPPINESS IS………………….

Let me tell you a short story that will lead into the theme of this blog. My manicurist and her mother own the salon where I have been getting my manicures since I moved to Florida 6 years ago. As I was having my nails done a week and a half ago, the manicurist, G., was telling me that her mother had an emergency situation – she needed to find a good home for a 5 year old male Maltese dog. Her neighbors had left the little guy tied up out in the hot Florida sun without water, and B. heard him crying. She knocked on the neighbors’ door, and they told her to take him off of their hands – they were moving to a condo that did not accept pets. Since B. already has two dogs, and G. was getting a terrier, OPERATION FIND A HOME was set in motion.

First, I called my friend whose Maltese died a few years ago, but she and her husband travel quite a bit, and now have a cat. Next, I called my neighbor – I knew she and her husband were looking for a dog.  The end result was that she and her husband fell in love with the dog at first sight, and adopted him. (After a shopping spree at Petco)

On Friday night, M. brought the dog to my house, so I could meet him. He is adorable and loveable. M. was excited and thrilled. Suddenly, I felt an unfamiliar emotion spread through my body. I realized it was sheer happiness. I was happy for M.; I was happy for the dog; I was happy that I made both their lives better. It felt………….strange. I felt lighter and ..........joyous.

It was then that I realized I have not felt the “happiness” emotion in a very long time. I had almost forgotten what it felt like, but when it enveloped me, it was as if a switch had lit up the darkness inside of me. I remembered how it used to feel to be a happy person. Not a Pollyanna – I endured difficulties and tragedies in my life, but since my marriage to Sid, I was a generally happy woman. My smiles used to reach my eyes and light up my face.

Since Alzheimer’s Disease entered our lives, destroyed my marriage, changed the dynamics of our relationship; since caring for an Alzheimer diseased husband has worn me out to the core, I have not felt true happiness. I have experienced enjoyable incidents – a good movie; a great concert; a hearty laugh; loving family gatherings at my sister’s house; but true happiness that fills me from the inside out – no. Not since before April 16, 2004, the day my husband was fired for the first time in his life; fired because after a year in a new job, he was unable to learn it, and we knew then that our lives would never be the same. Our Alzheimer Journey had begun. The happiness light started to dim on that day, and slowly, without my awareness, it went out.

This is not to say that I am perpetually miserable and never smile. I do try to be grateful for, and enjoy whatever pleasurable occasions come my way. However, the truth is that eight years of enduring Alzheimer personality changes, mental decline, temper tantrums, violent rages, and now, childlike dependence, has sucked the inner joy out of me. I do hope it returns some day.

P.S. Charlie Brown was correct - Happiness is a warm puppy.

MESSAGE BOARDS: Joan's Blog - Happiness is.............

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com
Under penalty of copyright laws, this information cannot be copied or posted on any website, media, or print outlet, without referencing the author and website from which it was taken.
©Copyright 2012 Joan Gershman
The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
2012 All Rights Reserved

 CUSTOM DESIGNED SCARVES AND MORE

The material included on this website contains general information intended as information only. This site is not intended to provide personal, professional, medical, or psychological advice, and should not be relied upon to govern behavior in any certain or particular circumstances. The opinions in the blogs are solely those of the owner of the website. The opinions on the message boards are not necessarily endorsed by the owner of this website, and are the opinions of those persons writing the messages. All material on this web site is for demonstration and informational purposes only.           

The Alzheimer Spouse LLC 2010 All Rights Reserved